The Madness of Mr Kapow!

Howdy pardners! Have you checked out the new Konnie Kapow! Father's Day cards yet? There's more to come shortly (one of them's WELL good too!) so fill yer Kapowboy boots and sort your Pops out with something special, eh!

In other news, I've been meaning for a while to write something about how rubbish I think I am sometimes. You know, cheery stuff, keep people interested!! For as long as I can remember really I've been talking myself out of doing things I like to do, convincing myself I've not got the talent or determination to do anything worthwhile artistically, while on the other hand boring people's brains out at parties and stuff telling them about my latest idea for a painting, or exhibition, or attempt to become King of the Art World in one fell swoop (is that a phrase?).

I've come to realise that it really takes the intervention of some such cartoon strip superhero as Konnie Kapow! to even begin to point a bumbling clown like me in the right direction. Unbelievably I actually feel like my latest efforts at photographing random objects, painting odd little pictures and doodling 'til dawn may just be the beginnings of something special and it's all thanks to the strength, persistence and all round wonderfulness of my cheeky-faced snuffle-pops of a Super Wife.

I'm bonkers me. Today for instance I was en route to work and all set to get the train as us snoozy Kapows were running a little late ("hey, those guys are meant to be superheroes, why don't they just fly to work?!" - ed.). I decided that I had just about enough time to walk in, as I'd done yesterday. It's approx. 4 miles and takes me about 45 mins.

So, off I trotted, armed with my trusty old clunk-clickerty Pentax and determined not to miss such delightful a photo opportunity as I had the previous day when a duck popped up among the bluebells on the banks of Bingham's Pond by Gartnavel Hospital. I ended up being late for work, which was clever, but feeling a bit bad about that couldn't dent my overall state of being somewhat chipper for an otherwise ordinary Tuesday!

I took another batch of pictures on my way home and found myself "scootin' aboot" along the way very much in the style of one of Billy Childish's semi-autobiographical incarnations of himself from his series of hilariously demented novels, chattering away to myself about how it's only a matter of time before this weary old world discovers my boundless artistic zeal and finesse and lavishes me with praise, adulation and gifts of only the finest quality headgear.

On my wanderings today I got my duck shots, but I got more. A lot more! I'm afraid I'll be being all coy and annoying now, as I don't want to spoil the surprise before I get said photographs developed... Suffice to say I got loads of amazing shots of **** of *** *** AND a few ***** ******** ...AND! some excellent additions to my project in progress about the sad state of ******** *******. How annoying am I?!

Anyway, I really hope they all come out as well as they looked through the viewfinder! The late afternoon sun did a great job with the lighting, it was dead balmy and gorgeous and it actually seemed as though the kind folks of Maryhill Road (as I remarked out loud to myself at one point, in a line of verse of which even the very grandest figures in the history of English literature would be proud: "Maryhill Road is a f***ing GOLDMINE!") and surrounding area had spent all day setting the shots up for me. It was amazing. Here's hoping an exhibition arises from the rolls of film currently tucked away in my schoolbag. I so want to tell you about one of the shots, as I think it might be my favourite ever and I literally whooped for joy when I spotted it. I honestly nearly got run over in the midst of the mayhem I was that chuffed!!

In between adventures with my camera today I was at work. Boring! Yes, boring indeed, but I didn't seem to mind that much. At lunchtime I went for my debut session of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, something I've been interested in for a while and, in light of my recent feeling that I'm some kind of horrific, socially inept, confused and neanderthal type buffoon, Konnie and I looked into and found a place in Glasgow that might be able to help. Superbly it's right near my work so I was able to saunter out from the caverns of doom at S********** P*****, where I spend forty hours every week rotting my brain and trying not to chew through my desk in a rabid fit of bored-mania, pop round the corner and have an introductory appointment within the space of an hour. Smart!

The guy I saw was great and we had a good opening natter. I told him stuff about me, my story, the way I always seem to end up down the same dead ends in certain aspects of my life, in spite of seemingly having so much going for me, etc. I frustrate the living daylights out of myself most minutes of every day and don't know how to deal with even simple things a lot of the time, which then leads to me feeling like I've been really mean to people I adore and generally behaved like a gigantic, glowering aardvark from hell (sorry to any aardvarks reading this, I don't know where that came from!). After the aardvark stage, I then feel terrible for ages, really guilty and furious with myself, embarrassed and totally gutted that I'm such a fool. I then find the people I've been mean to (or maybe haven't really, but I think I have) and apologise to them and stuff and everyone's so nice they seem to not really mind, but I don't really believe that they don't mind so I feel worse and... bleeeuurgh... you get the picture, right? Aardvarks?!?

So, I feel like I need to have a sort out and a belated spring clean of my brain, a look at why I am such an up and down character and how I can make sure I don't waste my talents doing stuff I really, really hate doing and actually allow myself to TRY and do some positive, brilliant things. I'm always terrified of failing, messing up, making a tit of myself and so on, but in a way I need to realise that I am a big crazy loon and it's actually a strength of mine and that I can't really fail if only I'd just give it all I've got and have a proper bash.

Hells bells Kapow! old boy, you might actually ENJOY it!!

In the style of one of the most wonderful television programmes ever made, Sesame Street, created by the late and very, very great Jim Henson, today's extended ramblings were brought to you by the letter 'K', which of course stands for Konnie Kapow!, my wife, my best friend, my Johnny and June-tastic darlin' companion, my partner in popcorn-based crime and the love of my big silly life. Where would I be without her?

Probably in a home for lost, irritable and confused aardvarks, somewhere near the Himalayas.

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If you've got this far, then you really are a trooper and a half and thanks awfully! However, even if you haven't read all of my blabberings (it was mostly me going on about wandering about and stuff), please do click on the image below as I'd like very much to draw your attention to the brilliant photos of Emma in Wonderland, I particularly like the one below, entitled A Gentle Freak-Out, both the image itself and the cracking idea behind it!